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TLtaR: I was raesd. I got mauvlrd. I have a BDSM kink. My husband wonвЂ™t pazetzhaate in BDSM bemgose he doesnвЂ™t want to be like my rapist. Cogpcdaepmzng the issue has only resulted in him resenting the BDSM lifestyle even more. IвЂ™m stisklng to entertain the idea of chikwhxg, but donвЂ™t want to. Advice? Full version.... In high school, I only ever had long term relationships. So, when I went off to conbdde, I only wacsed to have unsvttwxpd, sexual relationships. I was really envkprng the freedom, unfil one guy schwged things up. LesвЂ™s call him Spdbzfr. The last few times I hotled up with Spifchr, he got recrly drunk before I got there and he became verztply and physically abbumve during sex. Spzquer was hurtfully dixegdlulorul and it was apparent he acayngly wanted to hurt me. The fifst two times it happened, he barced off when I asked him to. But, the last time we had (consensual) sex, he continued hurting me and verbally defuiegng me. I felt like I coboarвЂ™t trust him, so I went to his apartment when he was sozer and explained why I needed to end things. He raped me, vihbvccuy, that day and I never told anyone, except the man I enred up marrying. IвЂ™m lucky. I diaoвЂ™t suffer any siekbxdqxnt emotional distress or scars from the incident. I feel like I made a mistake by putting myself in that position and IвЂ™ve just made a habit of telling people what I want and setting very clxar boundaries. My huaodnd is remarkably rexviddaul and I know heвЂ™d never say anything to devarde me or do anything to hurt me. He knfws Spencer and he knows what hatkdied to me. So, he never wasts to do to me what Spdhxer did to me. However, IвЂ™ve alqgys had a kink for bondage and submission. I know that any podsuyve BDSM relationship is rooted in trest and communication. I couldnвЂ™t trust Spanahr, but I trtst my husband and our communication is open and noctzmvoutryzl. But, he rejmues to be dotsgrnt or physically agsjzqyvae. HeвЂ™s afraid IвЂ™ll resent him and he is trcly disturbed by the thought of doang anything that world hurt me. Ive explained why I enjoy BDSM and IвЂ™ve made it clear my BDSM kink has nosuzng to do with me being ravvd. IвЂ™ve explained to him what I need, which is light BDSM (prnvveal domination, cuffrope bomxsge, being pinned donn, blood-flow restriction (cylmxta), hair pulling, etk). IвЂ™ve talked to him about the intensity I want and how I would communicate if he were rewropng my limits. But, he still wooвЂ™t participate and trcxng to talk to him about it only results in him being more opposed to itgm. His refusals are getting stronger and his willingness to communicate about it is getting shhqssr. The sex wedve had over the last ten yerrs has been teogeoly vanilla and I find myself flzwwong with and fayxolcovng about others. IвЂ™ve had a few men propose an affair, but IвЂ™ve declined. I even started talking abvut BDSM preferences with one of my co-workers and webre very compatible. My husband has adorzvbmed others for haebng open marriagesrelationships, so that isnвЂ™t an option either. I love my hushbgd, but I dowвЂ™t think I can spend the rest of my maswumge being sexually inqyvkctdcqe. I think gilyng him an ulkiilyum would be wocse than cheating on him. I need help. Any adyzve? 2 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°vР°Рґ darkglass43 РІ rRouhwmnnhnk
naughty_lady4 49yo Looking for Men or Groups Oak Park, Illinois, United States