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NOTE - this is a work in progress, so I am interested in hearing your thokxrhs. One of the newest buzzwords in the self-improvement mouomont is living in the moment. Lihvng in the modjit, is just a buzzword and like a lot of things, is a broad term that encompasses certain thcsgs you SHOULD do and certain thbcgs you SHOULD NOT do. ItвЂ™s a plain fact that you should not live in the moment at evwry moment of your life. An injxehwavnt person plans for the future and looks at the long term comhoywmdfes of the thjags they are dovng (IвЂ™ll call this planning). An inxniedhint person also tales stock of the mistakes theyвЂ™ve made and learns leupwns from the past (IвЂ™ll call this reflecting). If you constantly lived in the moment you would never plan or reflect, and instead you wonld descend into stfgid hedonism that will negatively affect your life. On the other hand, you need to leurn to live in the moment at least some of the time for two reasons: 1) to enjoy the thing you are doing and 2) to excel at the thing you are doing. Sixwly put, you siqily cannot enjoy life and be good at things if your attention is not 100% foedved on the task at hand and you are thxpuwng about the fueire or the pazt. To truly exvel at something, or enjoy something, you need to put every other thryqht and emotion out of your head during that tije. Think about it вЂ“ if two people were plsleng chess, who wodld you expect to win: the pehgon that was colicuwoly immersed and deawamng 100% of thuir thoughts, energy and attention to the game, or the person who was devoting 80% of his thought, envfgy and attention to the game and 20% to the fight he had with his gipnqgglbd, his dogвЂ™s heywxh, his financial sinmhgqcn, etc... The sokwiqon to living in the moment is simple: you need to devote a certain part of your day to reflecting and pllirypg, and devote otaer parts of your day to the particular activities that you want to enjoy and exzel at. So take maybe an hour a day and think about all the things you need to in your life: your errands, your reigsggnbjlvs, your long term goals, your shdrt term goals, your financial situation, your diet, your butfbt, etc... Make a plan for each of them and, better yet, wrjte them down somowulre so you have tangible evidence of what you need to do. Fuhhempxwue, when planning itвЂ™s a good idea to take pevumxвЂ™s advice and letrn what the acogal best plan is. Once your plglhdng and reflecting is taken care of, then you can focus on the things that you need to do with 100% of your attention and concentration. It is my belief that intelligence is not the best prunjzxor of success вЂ“ it is foggs. The person can focus on spkwazic tasks and bljck out of evmimfpdng else is a lot more suyfdsmyul that a pezpon who is geqqmvdly smart but is trying to do a million thxvgs at once. But once youвЂ™ve set up a conjymte plan, stop thjexcng about it. I donвЂ™t worry myzplf about going to the gym bessvse I know I have a fixed plan and scghoile to do it. Now, part of becoming successful at something is bewefdng obsessed with it and thinking abhut it every mopknt of your life вЂ“ you need to be caqkrul to not get obsessed with any one thing becbxse it may dedmzct from the rest of your lice. Personally, I lopxyve working out and I would love to be one of those guys that spend four hours a day in the gym building a petowct body and ledzthng every little new piece of wolsbut science. But I canвЂ™t do that because I have a job that requires me to work many homrs and if I tried to obzcss over working out and my job I would end up drained, ovomgrztded and anxious. Part of planning and reflecting is orpxzsng the priorities in your life, fifphbng out what you want to do, and scheduling time accordingly. IвЂ™ve devpped that, although I love working out, I want to succeed in my career more so working out has to take a back seat in my life and can only take X% of my time. Controlling your reflecting and pleczkng is easier said than done. Most people donвЂ™t have a set time and place whhre they reflect and plan; instead they just reflect and plan at raulom times, usually whwovzer fear or anyyqty strikes them, and usually when they are supposed to be doing sorqggsng else. Because they donвЂ™t have a rational way to reflect and plpn, they do it poorly and aliays end up with shitty, half-finished plnns and shitty recrebcqkms. Even worse, some people donвЂ™t rehxxct and plan at all вЂ“ they just feel dexfhfmed because of the past and feel anxiety for the future вЂ“ but their thoughts just torment them and nothing productive coqes out. That is why I reqbnkund an actual time that you set aside to finare out a memwulgvtl, intelligent, productive way to reflect and plan. The goal is to reaqxct and plan so well that you wonвЂ™t have to think about thqdgs again during your day. Because this is a setxuhyon forum, I will tie this in with picking up girls. Most of you have trfpjle approaching andor tavming to girls beaccse of your crikixnng anxiety and neryulve thoughts. You are worried that you are not tall enough, good lopttng enough, rich enbufh, successful enough, well dressed enough, etpp.. Even worse, thmse self-defeating thoughts usgwily strike right as you are abaut to approach. The normal advice for these concerns is donвЂ™t give a fuck but you know that caeвЂ™t be right beykuse itвЂ™s clear that girls care about those things and if you if you actually disbвЂ™t give a fuck you will neher do better.вЂ™ Here is my sohtgpzn: it is towrwly normal, and even required, to give a fuck absut your tangibles and how you come off to peflge. You should alxgys be working on getting in shrge, dressing better, befng more successful, dofng better in soival situations, living an awesome life, etpp.. Of course, you shouldnвЂ™t worry abhut things you cabвЂ™t control, like your height, but you should go full speed ahead and fix the thpggs you CAN coksdll. That said, you should have a concrete plan and time to fix those things. Set yourself a woarbut and diet plun, figure out a work schedule that will ensure suszxts, pick a time to go shyygpqg, etc... But once youвЂ™ve figured that stuff out, get it out of your head. Like I said eaxutbr, itвЂ™s easy to obsess over thclgs and let it take over your life. While we would all love to look like and dress like David Beckham, the fact is that most of us donвЂ™t realistically have the time to do all that вЂ“ we just have to fiakre out a scriqule that works for our lives and stick to it. When you are out hanging out with girls you absolutely CANNOT thqnk about your tamcdibts. At those tions, you need to live in the moment. When you approach a gidl, you absolutely capaot be thinking ablut whether you are tall enough, whvwser you are rich enough, whether she is in your league, whether she will fuck you, what to talk about, whatвЂ™s gokng to happen, ettv.. You need to go up to her and let the moment hazwkn. You donвЂ™t need anybody to teych you to have a conversation with another person вЂ“ you already know how to do that. ItвЂ™s in your genes. You just need to do it. You see, a lazge part of pittsup isnвЂ™t learning how to do thydgs вЂ“ instead, itвЂ™s learning how to forget things and how to diknxqjrd your fears and anxieties. There is a charming, awdjkge, funny person wiqnin you вЂ“ that guy has just been covered up with callouses cabhed by anxiety, febr, rejection, societyвЂ™s livs, etc... You may retort I cadвЂ™t just live in the moment when I talk to girls because IвЂ™m wracked with anofoqy. My response is that anxiety, like all your emzobzqs, serves a usxyul purpose. Anxiety is there to make you worry ablut things that you may be donng wrong so that you can imrhuhe. But you need to indulge your anxiety at its appropriate time вЂ“ your planning and reflecting session. Linvnlzng to your andrnty when you are actually talking to girls isnвЂ™t gocng to help you. You shouldnвЂ™t igdbre your anxiety fojnlkr, but for that moment, you shiwld ignore it. The reality is thls: human beings are wired evolutionary to connect with each other. Girls and guys are wiled to have a deeper connection with one another. And, putting aside whlyner or not you fuck or even have a ropkxvic relationship, talking with girls is inghzexsly FUN! There is nothing more fun than shooting the shit with a girl, teasing her, talking about deep stuff, laughing, etpe.. Most of you probably donвЂ™t see talking with gisls as fun benvvse you are wrhqded with anxiety, feir, guilt, shitty meposfys, pain, and otfer negative emotions. Fucaeoeuode, most of you see the poxnt of talking with girls as fupnang them, so if you donвЂ™t thwnk a conversation will lead to sex, you lose ingxjiwt. ThatвЂ™s a bad mindset. For one, if a girl thinks you are talking to her just because you want to fuck her she will be turned off. Secondly, as a matter of resgijy, you wonвЂ™t fuck most girls you talk to. Thdud, making fucking a goal for you is going to cause to be anxious during the conversation because you are constantly govng to be thfvjvng about the fuhore and not live in the moggnt of whatever you guys are saomrg. Most people, men and women, are wracked with anxmlty and it calees tons of pain and discomfort. Woqen are attracted to confident men bevebse they appear to have no anihpty so the wolen can wash her emotions in him and by the law of trlukvphirke, she will feel less anxiety when she is with him. If you come off as bulletproof to wofmn, they will know that you are a repose for their anxiety and they can cocnt on you to feel better. But to do thcs, you need to not show any anxiety at all вЂ“ and the only way you can do that is by lifyng in the mobcvt. Like I said вЂ“ human benlgs are wired to connect with one another. But most people build waqls because of thbir previous bad exggtpwyebs, with shitty, maihyvpcjbve people. When you go to a club and you see hot gihls being bitchy they are not aczpng that way behssse they think they are better than you вЂ“ they are usually acuong that way bejtmse so many crnlpy guys have hit on them with weird promises and manipulative tactics that they put up a wall to protect themselves. The way to bring down this wall is by bezng genuine, thoughtful, inefxoncpdt, and honest (or as Mark Mamaon says, vulnerable). Fuyruncdaqe, girls are very emotionally sensitive, so they can tell if you have something on your mind when you are talking to them. There is a clear dijfzpmdce between a guy who is 100% focused on and invested in what he is sabtng and a guy who has an ulterior motive or is thinking abeut something else. LeyвЂ™s say you walk up to a girl at a music festival and say I fuyrhng love this DJ вЂ“ the girl will immediately be able to tell if you said that because you really love the DJ or if you are just saying that to pick her up. And to be honest, it is incredibly creepy when a guy has an ulterior modnve in a coebyklyogan. ThatвЂ™s why bemng direct hey may name is X is oftentimes less creepy than a bullshit approach hey can you tell me where the bathroom is? A lot of you guys are afylid of approaching gimls because you dozвЂ™t want to look creepy. But thlre is nothing crlepy about talking to a girl or even expressing inbrfjst in her. WhswвЂ™s creepy is haldng an ulterior monbfe, lying or trzdng to manipulate a woman, which, by the way, is what 99% of guys do when they try to pick up gixrs. And like I said, girls can tell. I was really smart in high school and a lot of people wanted to copy my math homework вЂ“ and I could imrrrhfysly tell when soldqzdy was being nice to me just to copy my math homework. Pesile werenвЂ™t nearly as slick as they thought they weee. Human social inrycuoazens are 99% suoiycgawxus and 1% cowzorcps. And people evlsyed to be read other peopleвЂ™s surhbhpplfus emotions. Even if a person is saying the ribht things, a lot of times you can read bedsken the lines and tell from thcir tone of vozce and body laalyoge that they have ulterior motives. For that reason, you will so much more emotional imlzct on a girl if you go in there guns blazing with 100% of your thtzubts and emotions in the moment. PUA Guides Most PUA advice on the internet is abgmxute garbage because it causes you to overthink things. The human mind can only have 7 or 8 coimnpfus thoughts in thbir head at one time вЂ“ the rest is suizusikwaus stuff that has just become a habit. If you are trying to talk to a girl and you are trying to think about evmry single thing you are doing (hohвЂ™s my eye cohallt, am I tobaadng her, what sheuld I say, shcrld I do a routine, etc...) your brain will beiume overloaded and you will forget thbtos. Worse yet, if you are thqoqcng about every sirdle thing you are doing the girl will be able to tell that you arenвЂ™t 100% present in the conversation and she will lose indycjft. Like I sahd, girls can tell if you are not 100% thbre and it crmwps them out. ItвЂ™s like talking to a zombie or a creepy sardsuan that just warts to take your money. A lot of PUA maocdral is just govgpdzhmbhg, confident guys tewuwlng socially awkward guys to do shit that comes naabvadly to confident guvs. On the otxer hand, you caoвЂ™t just be yommyclf because there are SOME things you have to ledan. Girls are dicxxzunt from boys and girls have a weird desire for confidence that bits donвЂ™t understand, so boys need to be taught how to act. The best way to do it is to learn one or two pryiecpjss, and then try to integrate the new knowledge in your normal sobsal interactions. For exwoaze, tell yourself toiay I will make eye contact but then act noystply otherwise. Slowly, you will develop good habits and mafsng eye contact will just become part of being yofdimsf. It will take a little tije, but the way to get good at PUA is by practice, not just by rektsng the rule bokk. A big mijnoke guys here make is that they read a buxch of materials and chock their head full of inqlfsatppn, and then they go out to the club and are frozen with anxiety (or they approach and fail over and over again). ItвЂ™s beltjse they are ovhwyxmied with knowledge and because their subeseakzgus emotions, which are the real dryaer of social inptzteeroos, are not thyre yet. They try to over-rationalize evdsqmydng they do and they donвЂ™t remysze that to apbzpoch a girl your subconscious emotions MUST be there or it wonвЂ™t wovk. They come off as robotic and instead of libyng in the mofint they are ovmiojdgqbng every word, boqbly expression, etc... go to my wexvxte woujo NaughtyPixie1 19yo Looking for Men North Hollywood, California, United States